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Pieces of God's Puzzle

I have just recently broke up with my boyfriend, uh well, he's my ex now, and unlike others who imprison themselves in their rooms to hopelessly cry all day and all night, I was surprisingly excited and happy about it. Why? I don't know, actually. Maybe, I have always wanted this to happen. Well, I was with him for five long years and six months and I didn't realize that I became so dependent on him that I thought I wouldn't be able to stay alive without him.

This is not the first time I broke up with him. We broke up countless times before but we couldn't seem to let go of each other that after two or three months of breaking up, we always end up getting back to each other again. But this time it's different. I learned from my mistakes and I'm determined not to commit those same mistakes again.

I know that my friends would think that I would again eat my words. But no, Vianney, Evert, Arrah, Ivy, Delna, Krishna, Naomi, Mayat, Besadee, I'm not going to do that anymore. This time, I really mean it. I really, really, really, really mean it. I don't want to be hurt again. And most especially, I don't want to displease the One Being who has loved me unconditionally just to please one selfish creature who only knows how to love himself.

I have been freed and I am happy about it but the fact that I am facing my life alone makes me feel a little worried about what lies ahead. Would I be able to marry the right person for me, the person that God has molded to be perfect for me, the perfect imperfect person who complements my weaknesses with his strengths?

This question has led me to a lot more questions. How would I be able to meet him in the first place? Would we know that we are meant for each other? Or, would everything start with that physical attraction just like every boy-girl relationship?

Yes, I know. Everything would start from the physical attraction. This realization led me to a question that scared me. Who would ever love, or even like a person like me? Would anybody even take me seriously? Hmmm, sounds like I have lots of insecurities. Yes, you're right! I certainly have lots of insecurities. Too many to mention in fact. I feel as if I'm the lowest of the lowest and the ugliest of the ugliest, the most unimportant among the most unimportant.

But with these thoughts came a realization that amazed me of how fair God is. Some people are beautiful while some are ugly, some are rich while some are poor, some are powerful while some are powerless, some are famous while some are unknown. But all of us have our own struggles that make us humble.

God gave us all our own problems that bring us to our knees in supplication. All of us are just pieces of the puzzle that make up the greater mystery of God. All of us are and all of us will be until the day God's chosen people will be with Him forever in worship.


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