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Back to Where I Belong


Being heartbroken before somehow made me feel that nobody in this world is faithful and loyal anymore. Just recently, I have learned from a friend that my ex-boyfriend, the one I dated for five and a half years, cheated on me all the while and I realized that I never knew him after all. I felt I was used and abused.

Sharing this most recent development about my love life to a long time friend and classmate made me feel even more hostile towards men. Because, as usual, we had similar experiences. Her boyfriend, was also unfaithful. Together we thought that no guy in this world would ever take a girl seriously. Or if he does, there will always come a time that he will become unfaithful. Which made us think, why can't we do the things that they do? It is time to become infidel, we pledged.

So there you go, a few men around me gave me attention and I felt really good and flattered. At first I thought, maybe, one of these guys would end up to be the one that was meant for me. But among all of those who tried to send their messages, only one had the courage to really get near me. And yes, he was successful.

I didn't really like this guy that much. Oh well, not really dislike, he was okay.. overall but he is just not the type that I think I would have as a boyfriend. He was too haughty, too flirtatious, too presumptuous to start with. And I don't even know him that much.

But because I also enjoyed his attention and he was pushy and persistent, he was successful to get near me. We texted and saw each other a couple of times.. well, maybe not just a couple of times.. more than that I guess and he was able to persuade me to do things I didn't want to do. I couldn't understand if I was too shy and too kind to say "NO" or if I was too good to be true.

I thought I could play around with it. I thought I could flirt with him, just flirt with him.. no strings attached. I thought he would be just one of the guys that I've been with in a day and forget the next day. But no, things got a little more complicated than that not because I have developed an emotional connection to him, because I haven't. There were just foolish and immature choices and now I've realized that I regret having made those decisions.

The past three weeks have been so crazy. Yeah, so crazy and chaotic that I almost thought I have lost my mind. I've been to different dangerous situations and yes, I gave in to temptations. But somehow, everything has been a learning experience. I've realized that I do not belong to the world of flirtations and love affairs because I am just not that kind of person. I belong to the world of unconditional and true love. True love waits. Yes, I belong to that world.

God made the woman with the intention of giving her to the man He has made her for. That is God's will and God's intention. And in that idea I am keeping my hope that one day, God will show me the man He has made me for and he would love me with the love of God. That is the world that I belong to.. and it's time to go back to that world.







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