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A Devil Lost in Heaven

When I was a kid, I used to keep myself away from the crowd, away from the parties, and away from all the possibilities of being able to find friends. Things though changed while I was growing up. Although I still kept myself secluded, there were people I got acquainted with constantly.

People then was so nice and warm that I felt comfortable with them easily. I found friends, new brothers and sisters, new partners in crime, and new people to look up to. Being always visible helped my self-confidence and it has erased a lot of weaknesses that has haunted me since the day I was able to differentiate what was right from what was wrong. Yet, just when you thought you had so many friends who would be there to care, to protect, and to be always beside you even during the most trying times, you would realize how little all those you consider as friends have valued you.

Gossip. We always hear stories of friendship broken by some juicy gossips which came from God-knows-where. When asked, everybody denies and everybody points his finger at someone even if an obvious fact is that all of them have actually participated in all of those erroneous talks.

Yes! You guessed it right! Gossip has broken a lot of friendship connections in my life. It has taken away the respect that I have for the people I formerly see as role models. People whom I thought are spiritually mature. People I thought were sincere and true.

I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Just imagine yourself becoming the subject of nasty talks made by people you trust and with just a blink of an eye, people look at you in a different way. You feel that they are judging you, watching your every move, looking at you as if you were a lost devil in heaven. Now I'm thinking which would be better, being a lost devil in heaven or being a lost angel in hell?

What is much more painful is the fact that people who receive those nasty gossips do not even bother to verify the information they got from me. No questions, just judgment!

Doesn't respect orginates from within? I am not really sure if these people actually respect themselves. All I know is that I want to be respected. But my motto has always been like this: respect me and I would respect you; don't respect me and I won't respect you.

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