Unbelievably, I have been single for seven months – the longest period of time ever that I have been in this state since I was sixteen years old. Now, I am twenty-two years old and it has been roughly about six years since I had my first boyfriend. I am single and I am enjoying it.
Oddly though, the past seven months of my life have been… uhmm… should I say the most promiscuous. Nuh-ahh.. not in the true sense of the word but promiscuous in a sense that I have been constantly seeing more than just one guy at a time. The relationships are more than just platonic but they’re less than romantic. They’re sort of a mutual understanding that these relationships couldn’t and shouldn’t escalate to a higher level. They’re more of the so-called “friends with benefits” but not the s-e-x benefit. Never ever the s-e-x benefit.
On one side, here’s a guy who has been with me through the joys and the sorrows. He was my long-time boyfriend and I really appreciated, and I still do appreciate, the things that he has done for me. There is no doubt that he is a good man and that he loved me for who I am (he says that he still loves me though). I have lots of issues against him though. He was always lying about his activities, which made me doubt his authenticity. He lacks the drive and he has no motivation at all to work hard. He has no desire for the future. He always lives for today and he is always contented with what he is now, in a very negative way. And, to add insult to injury, I am way too smart for him.
Nope, I am not being judgmental here. I dumped him not because our status seemed to be miles apart but I did so because I knew from the very start that I have no future with him. I tried to work things out before, hoping that sooner or later he would realize that we are not getting any younger and that we should start to think like we’re adults. I tried to talk him out of his usual reasons of not working hard and often times I scolded him for being such a jerk and a loser. For five and a half years I tried because I loved him and fell hard for him. However, I realized that he was just not willing to let go of his old habits because of me. I realized that he loved himself too much to think about going out from his comfort zone to face the world. He didn’t love me as much as he believed to love me.
So I decided to just let it go and start thinking about myself. I decided to look the other way and start to see all the other things that I ignored in the last five and a half years. I waited for a perfect time to tell him that I didn’t want it anymore and finally, I did. I broke up with him and eventually got over him in an unbelievably short period of time. But, there are just some things that you couldn’t just erase in a period of seven months. Like for example, the deep friendship that we shared. I wouldn’t be able to laud him as a boyfriend but I must admit that he has been such a dear friend. That is why, no matter what, I have always perceived him to be a confidante.
So from not being in speaking terms for a few months, we suddenly became close friends again when I had to confide to him a problem which I couldn’t solve on my own. But just as I feared before, he has started to feel that things could be the same again. He has started to act as if he is my boyfriend again. He dictates me, gets mad at me when I don’t obey him, and gets jealous of my friends. It’s funny. I warned him from the very first time we talked to each other since that fateful day that we broke up not to act like my boyfriend again. I told him that there is just no other nth chance. I’m over him and that’s it. All I can give him is friendship.
But here he is trying to win me back again, doing everything he could so that I would give him the ‘chance’ that he has so longed to have. Yet, he has failed to show me the change in him that I, also, have so longed to see. And this is ending up to be me using him. I didn’t mean to do this and I have no intentions of doing this but he keeps on pushing himself. He volunteers to take me to work everyday and who am I to refuse such an advantageous offer? So, in short, I am seeing him because he takes me to work and I could save a few pesos everyday because of that. Silly but true. I see him because of the little things that he could do for me.
On the other hand, here’s another guy that I barely know. We knew each other from work because we were former teammates. We first had the chance to talk when he sat opposite me during a sleepy and tiresome Sunday graveyard shift. In an effort not to fall asleep, he started to talk to me and asked me about my school, my course, etc. It was such a small world. I found out that he is actually my friend’s relative and that he and a classmate of mine in college, were also classmates in high school. To add, his sister goes to the same school as I did. So we had a common field of experience.
Days passed and he was always sitting near me. We always chat and we became friends. Later on, we exchanged numbers and we became constant textmates. We were texting everyday. Everyday was a getting-to-know day and the bond and friendship between us seemed to grow. He never really told me that he liked me and I never did also. He was, and he still is, more than just an ambiguous man. He is vague. I don’t know his intentions and I don’t know his real feelings.
I didn’t realize that other people were able to notice the kind of bond that we had. It came to a point when everybody thought that he was courting me. I also never really knew if he did or not. Though I felt he did, I am not presumptuous enough to think that way because he never explicitly said that he did. All I knew was that, we both were enjoying each other’s company.
At work we were normal people. We were just normal friends who talk when we have the time and who spend a meal break together. But outside work, we had a different kind of relationship. We were like lovers who were not. It even came to a point when he introduced me to his friends and his family. But deep in my heart I knew that he is not the kind of man I imagined to spend the rest of my life with.
When I was transferred to another team, we didn’t see each other as much. Now, we are still texting and we still treat each other in the same way but not as much as we did before. And so he is not, and never was my boyfriend, just like everybody thought. And I am still single… and waiting…
As much as I want to have a new relationship, a new inspiration, and a new guy to fall in love with, I feel that I am not ready yet. These two people, and all the other people, have been worth spending the time with but something tells me that they are not who I am supposed to be with. Certainly, neither of them is the right one. So seven months, and still counting…..
Oddly though, the past seven months of my life have been… uhmm… should I say the most promiscuous. Nuh-ahh.. not in the true sense of the word but promiscuous in a sense that I have been constantly seeing more than just one guy at a time. The relationships are more than just platonic but they’re less than romantic. They’re sort of a mutual understanding that these relationships couldn’t and shouldn’t escalate to a higher level. They’re more of the so-called “friends with benefits” but not the s-e-x benefit. Never ever the s-e-x benefit.
On one side, here’s a guy who has been with me through the joys and the sorrows. He was my long-time boyfriend and I really appreciated, and I still do appreciate, the things that he has done for me. There is no doubt that he is a good man and that he loved me for who I am (he says that he still loves me though). I have lots of issues against him though. He was always lying about his activities, which made me doubt his authenticity. He lacks the drive and he has no motivation at all to work hard. He has no desire for the future. He always lives for today and he is always contented with what he is now, in a very negative way. And, to add insult to injury, I am way too smart for him.
Nope, I am not being judgmental here. I dumped him not because our status seemed to be miles apart but I did so because I knew from the very start that I have no future with him. I tried to work things out before, hoping that sooner or later he would realize that we are not getting any younger and that we should start to think like we’re adults. I tried to talk him out of his usual reasons of not working hard and often times I scolded him for being such a jerk and a loser. For five and a half years I tried because I loved him and fell hard for him. However, I realized that he was just not willing to let go of his old habits because of me. I realized that he loved himself too much to think about going out from his comfort zone to face the world. He didn’t love me as much as he believed to love me.
So I decided to just let it go and start thinking about myself. I decided to look the other way and start to see all the other things that I ignored in the last five and a half years. I waited for a perfect time to tell him that I didn’t want it anymore and finally, I did. I broke up with him and eventually got over him in an unbelievably short period of time. But, there are just some things that you couldn’t just erase in a period of seven months. Like for example, the deep friendship that we shared. I wouldn’t be able to laud him as a boyfriend but I must admit that he has been such a dear friend. That is why, no matter what, I have always perceived him to be a confidante.
So from not being in speaking terms for a few months, we suddenly became close friends again when I had to confide to him a problem which I couldn’t solve on my own. But just as I feared before, he has started to feel that things could be the same again. He has started to act as if he is my boyfriend again. He dictates me, gets mad at me when I don’t obey him, and gets jealous of my friends. It’s funny. I warned him from the very first time we talked to each other since that fateful day that we broke up not to act like my boyfriend again. I told him that there is just no other nth chance. I’m over him and that’s it. All I can give him is friendship.
But here he is trying to win me back again, doing everything he could so that I would give him the ‘chance’ that he has so longed to have. Yet, he has failed to show me the change in him that I, also, have so longed to see. And this is ending up to be me using him. I didn’t mean to do this and I have no intentions of doing this but he keeps on pushing himself. He volunteers to take me to work everyday and who am I to refuse such an advantageous offer? So, in short, I am seeing him because he takes me to work and I could save a few pesos everyday because of that. Silly but true. I see him because of the little things that he could do for me.
On the other hand, here’s another guy that I barely know. We knew each other from work because we were former teammates. We first had the chance to talk when he sat opposite me during a sleepy and tiresome Sunday graveyard shift. In an effort not to fall asleep, he started to talk to me and asked me about my school, my course, etc. It was such a small world. I found out that he is actually my friend’s relative and that he and a classmate of mine in college, were also classmates in high school. To add, his sister goes to the same school as I did. So we had a common field of experience.
Days passed and he was always sitting near me. We always chat and we became friends. Later on, we exchanged numbers and we became constant textmates. We were texting everyday. Everyday was a getting-to-know day and the bond and friendship between us seemed to grow. He never really told me that he liked me and I never did also. He was, and he still is, more than just an ambiguous man. He is vague. I don’t know his intentions and I don’t know his real feelings.
I didn’t realize that other people were able to notice the kind of bond that we had. It came to a point when everybody thought that he was courting me. I also never really knew if he did or not. Though I felt he did, I am not presumptuous enough to think that way because he never explicitly said that he did. All I knew was that, we both were enjoying each other’s company.
At work we were normal people. We were just normal friends who talk when we have the time and who spend a meal break together. But outside work, we had a different kind of relationship. We were like lovers who were not. It even came to a point when he introduced me to his friends and his family. But deep in my heart I knew that he is not the kind of man I imagined to spend the rest of my life with.
When I was transferred to another team, we didn’t see each other as much. Now, we are still texting and we still treat each other in the same way but not as much as we did before. And so he is not, and never was my boyfriend, just like everybody thought. And I am still single… and waiting…
As much as I want to have a new relationship, a new inspiration, and a new guy to fall in love with, I feel that I am not ready yet. These two people, and all the other people, have been worth spending the time with but something tells me that they are not who I am supposed to be with. Certainly, neither of them is the right one. So seven months, and still counting…..
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